You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
