I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The uberlube is also flammable
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
