Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
