barbara walters just said penis...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
