He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
