Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sorry my hands just texted you
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
