get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize