Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
