That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
