that's an acceptable place to lick
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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