I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
