I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
