he wants to bone in the snuggie
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
