Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
