I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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