I looked at my own cervix.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
