I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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