Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
