Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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