My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
