my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
