yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
