You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
