how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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