He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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