I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
