You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
