he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
