Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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