what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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