I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize