need another drink. this is the easiest way
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
