Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
