yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
