he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
