I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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