What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
