girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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