it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
