I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
