I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Please, let me fuck your mom
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
