I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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