Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
