my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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