You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize