I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize