oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
