A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
