My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
