Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
