I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
