She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
