Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
