i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
