Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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