Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
