we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
