i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
