Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
