Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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