I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
