You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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