A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize