sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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