I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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