You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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