I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
