i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
