yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
